Moving on After a Miscarriage | Life After a Miscarriage

I recorded the video below two months after I shared my miscarriage story. In an efforet to keep the conversation going not only for my healing but to make you feel seen and less alone. So let’s discuss life after a miscarriage.

Quick Recap

I experienced a missed miscarriage that lasted several weeks, so I’ll just say December 1st of 2020.

You can read or see the full story here My Missed Miscarriage Story.

After Sharing my Miscarriage Publicly

After I shared my miscarriage story, I received an outpouring of love and support. My Journey of grief and healing is not over, and I still feel alone a lot of the time. It’s hard to open up with friends or family because I don’t want to be depressing in conversations with other people.

And I know that’s my issue. But I hear from other women in private Facebook miscarriage support groups that when they express themselves to family or friends, they feel misunderstood, or even worse, they are told they should be over it by now.

And I don’t want to be on the receiving end of any of those comments.

Grief that’s not talked about.

Life has not been easy. I mean, how do you move on from something like this. There is no guidebook on grief.

For the first couple of weeks, I was completely broken but soon after, I neatly put myself back together and went full speed into the holiday season, creating 25 YouTube videos in one month.

So, in reality I didn’t give myself the time or space to grieve properly. And in some ways, I feel like that’s what I needed to function and be able to wake up every day. If not, I would have been lying in bed all day, every day.

After the holiday season, I had a wave of grief come back that I wasn’t expecting. Because in creating holiday content, I had great days and felt genuinely happy and felt like I was moving on and looking into the future. But as I’ve learned,

“Grief is not linear.”

When will we start trying again?

The next question I want to tackle is when we will start trying to conceive again?

Initially, I thought that I would start trying right away, but that has not been the case. I know everyone has their own process, and I’ve heard of women who start trying to conceive rightaway and succeed.

But I don’t feel like I’m ready. I have a lot of fears and anxiety surrounding the idea of getting pregnant again.

And I will be the first to say that I didn’t understand or know the depths of this pain until I experienced it myself.

It’s more than just losing someone. A miscarriage is losing someone you were hoping to meet and all the hopes and dreams that go along with it. It’s your body going through a dramatic experience, so as a result, you have physical and emotional pain. And your body just went through many changes to accommodate this new life, and now it has to readjust and rebalance. It’s going through postpartum without the tiny human you were hoping to meet.

Some weeks are better than others…

Some weeks I don’t want to get out of bed and struggle to be productive or even work out. And I know that people look at me and think that I am fine, and I understand why. I generally present myself like I’m doing okay. But it’s those fleeting moments that people don’t realize when I’m quiet. When the brain takes over with flashbacks and memories, and I’m holding back tears.

Happy for you, sad for myself.

Lately, theres been a lot pregnancy announcements on social media and a lot of people who are currently pregnant and giving birth. It’s the baby boom of 2021! And that has brought up a lot of feelings that I wasn’t expecting. Every time I hear the news of someone else, I’m genuinely happy for them, and I pray that they have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. But I also can’t help but feel sad for myself.

It’s a real roller coaster ride of emotions to be going through and navigating. So often I feel like I have to give myself grace when I feel unmotivated to be productive and do things. For example this week was emotionally challenging for me, and I haven’t been working out, and I realize I can’t beat myself up about it. I have to allow myself the time and space to really sit in my feelings and acknowledge that I’m still grieving, and I’m still in pain, and it’s okay.

Some days I feel like I’m struggling to keep up with life. I have this image in my head of me being physically stuck and unable to move, and the world is just spinning around me like there’s a tornado of life circling me, and I’m just standing there watching it go by.

Moving Forward

Moving forward, I’m looking into therapy. I always believed that wrritng things out and talking about things really helps. If you are reading this because you know this pain. I’m so sorry and my heart is with you. Please feel free to reach out to me via email or private message on social media. You can also leave your comments, experiences or thoughts in the comments below so others know they are not alone.

Many blessings to you on this journey,

Yaritza