Let’s Talk about Pieces of a Woman, Miscarriage & Grief
Let’s talk about Netflix’s Pieces of Woman, pregnancy loss, miscarriage, and grief. This is an honest conversation from some who had a miscarriage.
Trigger Warning!
Before I begin, I just want to say that this subject might be triggering if you have suffered a child’s loss or a miscarriage.
Trailer Recap
So for those who have not seen the movie or trailer. Pieces of a Woman is about a couple who have a home birth, and soon after the baby is born, it suddenly passes away. And we get to see how this woman deals with the grief and everyone around her.
Spoiler Alert!
So moving forward in this blog post, I will be giving details and talking about specifics in the movie. So if you haven’t seen it and don’t like people spoiling your films, please come back to this post after you’ve seen the movie.
My Back Story with Miscarriage
I will say that I was a little worried about watching this movie because of my recent miscarriage. I had a missed miscarriage in December of 2020. And it was a difficult time for me to manage and navigate, and I’m still grieving.
If you want to read my Missed Miscarriage story, how long it took and how I found out, click here. Or you can watch my youtube video below.
Nervous to Watch?
I was nervous to watch Pieces of a Woman because I heard from another woman in the ‘Angel Mom’ community that it’s a difficult movie to watch.
I also heard another instance of a woman getting ready to relax at the end of her day. She put on Netflix, and the trailer to Pieces of a Woman started to play, and she was triggered because there was no warning, and she just wasn’t ready for it.
Netflix Autoplay Sidenote
Many people don’t know this, and actually, I just found out about this myself. But you can turn autoplay on Netflix on or off. I believe you have to log on through your web browser but once there, go to your profile > manage profile, and then you’ll see Autoplay controls.
If you have any triggering subjects, you should definitely consider doing this.
Watching the Trailer
When I was in the thick of my miscarriage, my husband told me there’s this new movie coming out; it’s called Pieces of a Woman. I want to show you the trailer, but I’m not sure how you will feel about it. It’s about a woman who loses her child.
And it’s not that I like to torture myself, but I’ve always found art and movies that reflect real-life to be very therapeutic for me. So I decided to watch the trailer. At that moment, it was difficult to see, but I knew that once the movie was out and I was ready, I would want to watch it.
Not a Movie Review
This is not a movie review per se. I think the movie was great, and the acting, especially by Vanessa Kirby (known as Martha in the film), was phenomenal. This is more of a conversation about the movie’s subject matter from someone who has suffered something similar.
Was it Difficult to Watch?
I do agree that the movie was difficult to watch. But I think the most challenging scene to watch happens early on. For me, it was the child’s birth and the sudden passing of the child. Even though I knew that was going to happen because that’s what the movie is about. To see the scene play out was heartbreaking. It obviously stirred up some feelings. I was crying and holding my husband’s hand tightly, and we were both just silent.
As far as the rest of the movie. It goes into what life is after that moment. How do you deal with grief with your partner with the family? Especially with grief, many of us are not equipped to deal with it ourselves, let alone help/support someone who is grieving.
Let’s talk about grief.
I think people expect you to move on rather quickly and don’t really give you the time and space to grieve the way you need to grieve. And what that looks like is different for every single person.
So the movie picks up three weeks after the tragic scene. And we see Martha going back to work, and she seems kind-of numb while trying to pick up the pieces and deal with her new reality.
The moment that you experience the loss of a child or a miscarriage, you are a different person. From that moment on, you are no longer the person that you were before.
I mean, that rings true to every traumatic moment in your life. Even good things can change you. If the baby lived, Martha would have moved on with her new reality of being a mother, but that’s what she was expecting and wanted.
What she was not expecting, and I don’t think any woman expects this. Is to lose their child at birth or have a miscarriage.
Having a Miscarriage Changed Me
Having a miscarriage has changed me in more ways than one. It has shifted my perspective, understanding, and the way I look at things.
For example, I understand now why people shouldn’t ask certain questions. Like when are you going to have children? Because sometimes it’s more than I’m waiting or I don’t want kids.
You have to think about the bigger picture. Maybe that person just had a miscarriage, and you’re making them feel really uncomfortable. Or perhaps they’ve been trying to get pregnant for the past year and haven’t been able to.
Even though I feel like these topics shouldn’t be “taboo.” If only people knew how common it is to have a miscarriage and/or struggle with fertility. Maybe people wouldn’t be asking such questions to a couple who just got married or to a woman who just turned 30.
Dealing with Other Peoples Opinions
The other thing after losing a child or experiencing a miscarriage is dealing with different people’s opinions. People want to know what happened, how did it happen, whose fault is it.
In Pieces of a Woman, Marthas’ mother is very adamant about using the midwife. Because for her to grieve, she needs to have someone to blame. Someone is responsible for this tragedy, and she wants the midwife to pay for her “negligence.”
But Martha doesn’t want to sue or confront the midwife. And conflict arises between mother and daughter to an explosive argument.
The mother then says something that felt like a dagger straight to the heart. She said,
“If you would have done what I told you to do, you would be holding your child right now.”
I was shocked because I know people think that way, especially mothers. Mothers always think they know best even though they come from different generations. So if you decide to do a home birth instead of hospital birth and something goes wrong, it’s the I told you so instead of the compassion that’s extended.
When tragedy happens, people always look for someone to blame, and they want answers. For example, with my miscarriage, there are no answers because a lot of the time, first trimester miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities.
In another scene, Martha and her partner Sean are in the doctor’s office after the autopsy, and Sean wants answers, and the doctor doesn’t have any. And Sean gets so upset that he has to leave the office.
You Need Therapy
In this movie, I feel like everyone around Martha deals with grief in their own way without considering how Martha feels. Yes, everyone lost something, Sean lost his child, and the grandma lost her grandchild. But the mother who carried this baby for nine months and went through the pain and difficult labor lost her child, and for some reason, her opinion counts the least.
And I just feel like that happens in real life people are always trying to tell you how to grieve, what to do, how to move on, you should have moved on by now, you should be moving on, you shouldn’t cry, God has a plan, everything happens for a reason, blah blah blah.
All these things that people say because they don’t know any better. And sometimes you don’t want or need an answer or someone to make you feel better. Sometimes you just want to cry and sit in your feelings. Sometimes you just want to be alone or given the time to process in your own way. And when those around you who are supposed to be the ones who love you the most are not allowing you to grieve the way you want to grieve, it can be difficult.
In one of the scenes, while Martha is arguing with her mom, her sister just yells at her that she needs therapy. Sure, she probably does need therapy, but do you think that you just yelling that at her is going to help? I don’t think so. How about just sitting with her and listening if that’s what she needs. How about sitting with her and being silent together if that’s what she needs.
People need to stop offering their solutions and just listen to what those in grief need.
Let’s Talk About Isolation.
The other big theme in this movie is isolation. You really see Martha in this movie feeling isolated because no one is really listening to what she wants to do when it comes to her process of grieving.
For example, she wants to donate the body for research her mom thinks that’s disrespectful. They misspell the baby’s name on the tombstone, and no one is listening to how she wants to spell her babies’ name.
Isolation is the number one theme among women who have experienced something similar. I felt really alone when I was going through my miscarriage, and all other stories that I have heard and seen always mention feeling alone. Because this topic is rarely discussed, so they don’t know where to turn to. And people don’t know how to support them.
That’s one of the other reasons why I think this movie is important to watch, especially for those who are not aware of how devastating this process of losing a child is.
I recently had a miscarriage, so I understand. And if you have gone through something similar or are currently going through it, my heart is with you. And if you need someone to talk to, please reach out to me here or on my Instagram.
I wanted to write about this because I think it’s important to have these conversations. Since sharing my story, I have received so many messages of love and support, so I want to continue the conversation hoping that no one continues to feel alone.
I want to share that love and support with the women who need it the most.
I hope this long post makes sense; if you have any questions or comments, please leave them below. Also, if you watched the movie, what are your thoughts.
