Conversations Before Moving In Together

First night of moving in together. 11/15/15

A year ago yesterday Drew and I moved in together for the first time after only dating for a year. I feel blessed to be sharing and building a life with him. And as I reflect on the past year I want to share with you guys the conversations that took place before we signed a lease. In case you currently find yourself contemplating the idea of moving in with your significant other. These are the conversations that need to happen before moving in with your partner in order to have a successful life together.

Some may say that moving in together after only a year of dating is way too soon. But in the timeline of our love story, it was perfect timing. Nonetheless, it doesn’t matter how long you guys been dating if it feels right, go for it. Just make sure you take love out of the equation before discussing the topics below.

Finances

Getting financially naked from the start is super important. You want to know what you and your partner can afford since finances are a huge part of maintaining a home. Also knowing where each of  you stands financially can prevent future complications.

Drew and I sat down one day and showed each other our bank statements. We discussed our savings and checking account as well as our various forms of debt which include credit cards, student, and car loans. This was not a comfortable conversation for us and for the majority of people it won’t be. But it’s better in the long run if you just rip that band-aid from the start.

The last thing I will say about finances that helped us a lot is opening a joint bank account. Now don’t worry we still have our own individual accounts. But we both deposit a fix dollar amount every month into our joint bank account. That money goes towards paying our rent, bills, and buying groceries.

Expectations

Everyone has expectations so it’s important to discuss things like, who will do the dishes, who will take out the trash, who will do laundry, who is going to make sure the bills are paid on time. All of this seems trivial but trust me talking about these things ahead of time will save you arguments in the future. For example one of the things we do in our home is that if one of us cooks the other one washes the dishes.  That way chores are sort of split evenly and no one is guessing who’s turn it is to do the dishes. In my opinion, it’s better to know what’s expected of each other, instead of trying to guess. I mean no one is a mind reader, right? I know I’m not.

Know Why?

This should probably be in the forefront of your conversation. Why, is the golden question. “Why are you moving in together? ” It can be as simple as we love each other, or maybe is not that simple because love means and looks different for a lot of people.

When Drew and I decided to move in, we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. But we didn’t assume that to be true of each other. We asked, “why do you want to move in with me? Where do you see this relationship going?” Because moving in together meant serious business for both us. Now if moving in with your partner is not that big of a deal to you, that’s okay as long as they feel the same way and you’re both on the same page.

Drew and I moved in together because yes we are head over heels for one another. But we were also ready to talk about marriage and kids and building a life together that goes beyond sharing an apartment. Basically, we were on the same page in understanding what this next step in our relationship meant.

I know that moving in together is not a decision to be taken lightly. Therefore, I hope you find these tips helpful.

What do you guys think about these topics, did I miss anything? Anyone out there has any additional advice for someone looking to move in with their partner? Leave your comments below.

xoxo,

Yaritza